Saturday, April 7, 2012

April 7, 2012

My love,

I see what you're doing, and I don't like it. I don't like that you haven't even been created yet and already you're calling the shots. But I guess you're just preparing me for what it will be like when you're here. Heaven help us if you're as stubborn as me. I came to the realization the other day that you're waiting until I'm really ready. You're waiting to make sure I'm really sure about all of this mothering stuff. You're just waiting until the right time.

Well, here's the deal. I'm not sure about a lot of things. I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with the heart break of failed IUI attempts, how much money we're going to spend before we meet you, or whether the road to that meeting is going to look anything like I picture it.

I'm not even 100% sure that I'll find my niche in parenting. Who knows? Maybe I'm meant to be "the cool aunt" forever. But here's what I am sure about: I'm sure that no matter how scary the thought of failure is, it will all be worth it when our dream of you becomes reality. I'm sure that we'll be the best parents we can be to you and I'm sure you're going to be smothered with more love than any one kid can handle.

So basically, we're moving forward. I'm working to change my diet so I'm not sabotaging myself by rebelling against my PCOS. I'm also seeking out alternative medicine treatments (Mayan abdominal massage and acupuncture - more about those later) in hopes of balancing my overall health. We'll see how it all works out.

I saw this on the road the other day and just had to take a picture as I chuckled to myself. It was a clearer sign than I could have wished for. The universe was telling me, "Yes, the road ahead will be rough, but you better figure out a way to get through it, because there's no turning back now!"


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